Why is it that getting away from our unhappiness is far more important than being happy with what we have? Why do we spend so much effort on wishing for what we do not have?
It is because we do not understand Universal Law of balance and gratitude.
Let me give you some examples that you would probably associate with.
“If I could win the lottery, I will never be unhappy about money again. I would have enough money for the rest of my life and I would make all my dreams come true.”
Er… no. You would still not understand the concept of abundance. You would still not believe that money is your friend. You would still not have the discipline that is required to manage your money. You would still believe that you do not deserve abundance. And you would not understand how and why millions flow through your fingers and you end up with nothing. You say yes, but you are different from hundreds of lottery winners that have had this experience? Wake up.
“If I could change my job and do something I love, I would be much happier. I would use my skills and talents and show the world what I am capable of.”
Then explain to me why you have not taken this step years ago. Why are you still in a job that you dislike, that smothers your soul? Why do you get up in the morning and go to work and come home every evening having done the same job that you have disliked for years? Why do you occasionally dream about your ideal job, the well-paying one that satisfies your needs, and that makes your heart sing? If you still have this wish, I have news for you. It ain’t gonna happen as long as it remains a wish.
“If only I could move to another place now that my relationship has broken up, I would be much happier. I would no longer see the familiar places and faces and feel the familiar pain. Everything would be all right”
Yes, except that you would see the characteristics of your ex-partner in your new acquaintances and feel the pain all over again. The lonely moments will not be less in a new place. There will probably be more lonely moments, because you will have left your friends behind as well. A change is only as good as a holiday when the change happens for the right reasons.
“If only so and so would make an effort to contact me first, then my hurt about our lost friendship or family bond will go away. I do not understand why they have ignored me for years, even though I think of them every day.”
Yes, and when they contact you, they will probably get a barrage of pent-up resentment and hurt from you, and that will drive them away again. And you will feel even more the victim.
So, if avoiding these issues and feelings is not an option, is the alternative to wallow in them? If you want to define yourself as such a tragic prima donna, yes.
Alternatively you can choose to work through these feelings and issues, get a different perspective on them, and feel gratitude for every one of the experiences and the people involved. When you reach the point where you can truly feel gratitude for them, somehow they will lose their bite. And when you look up again, you will see that the change you have wanted for years is miraculously happening.
You might still not understand that the change is because of your work on understanding your experiences and seeing the balance in your life. You might still struggle with believing that your anger, fear, resentment and misconceptions have been holding you back, but at least you will know that you feel much calmer and at peace about your experiences.
As long as you hold on to these experiences and issues, any change you make in your life will be fruitless, because you will make the change with so much emotional baggage holding you down that you will probably become ill, simply because your body will not be able to bear the additional strain of carrying the old baggage as well as coping with the changes.
Could this be why so many people emigrate to a different country and then return later, feeling even more disillusioned than when they left? Could this be why people move from one destructive relationship to the next? Could this be the reason for people never having enough money, even when their income increases?
How do you work through these experiences? I can recommend different ways of getting rid of your baggage.
If you can afford to attend one of Dr John Demartini’s Breakthrough Experience weekends, it is worth everything you spend on it.
Alternatively you can find a good NLP practitioner who can help you to pinpoint the issue and change your perception and behaviour.
If you still have serious issues with money and believe you cannot afford either of these, there is also a very cheap and very powerful solution. It is called morning pages. You get yourself an A4 exercise book (and maybe a box of tissues if you have never done morning pages). Every morning when you wake up, you write three pages – no more, no less. You write anything that comes to your mind, no matter what it is. You do not plan what you intend to write. You simply write what is in your mind. And if you really do not know what to write, you write exactly that until the next thought comes to your mind.
There are a few rules around this. You have to do it every day, and preferably first thing in the morning, even if it means getting up half an hour earlier. So you do not want to do even this to resolve your issues? Then continue to wallow in your self-pity, but go and do it where I cannot hear you. The reason for doing it first thing in the morning is that your brain is still in sleep mode and there is no censoring on what you write.
You have to keep this a secret – do not tell anyone that you are doing morning pages. The reason is that when you tell others, they will want to know what you write about, and that is very personal and not to be shared.
You have to write no less than three pages, because you want to deal with your issues and move on to the life you have always wanted for yourself.
You have to write no more than three pages, because you will be wide awake by then and the censor will step in and spoil it all.
And the most important rule: for the first two months you DO NOT read what you have written. What is important is the fact that you have written down what is in your mind. If you start reading any sooner what you have written, you will spoil the whole experience and not benefit from it at all.
After two months you can read your morning pages – or not read it. You can keep them or burn them or do whatever you want with them. By then you will understand how powerful this exercise is, and you will see the massive change in your life.
So stop saying “if only” and do something to change your destiny. If you do not write the story of your life, someone else will, and you might not like the script.