Trusting others is a major part of relationships, and therefore it is an important topic in intuitive coaching. As an intuitive coach, I ask my clients, Do you trust others before you trust yourself in the belief that others know what they are talking about? Are you caught between the dilemma of wanting to trust others and knowing that you are often taken advantage of? You want to trust them to follow through on what they say, but it’s very frustrating when you are fooled.
In fact, I must point out that you are not fooled, you are ignoring the truth. There is a difference between being lied to and putting your trust in something that doesn’t feel right. The problem in the world with trust is not that you are hurt because of your misdealing. It is a matter of not trusting your intuition when you knew better in your soul.
If you look back on times when you were hurt, you can see that you had thoughts, doubts, and other messages in your head. You had signals that these people were not acting in integrity, but chose to overlook them. The key is not to judge others because they took advantage of you. The important lesson to learn is how to trust yourself; trust your “gut” feeling, and also not ignore information that you’re being given.
It’s common for people to think things like, “Oh, he’s a friend of mine, so I won’t read the contract.” “I won’t mistrust him although he hasn’t followed through with his end of the agreement.” “He was acting strange…. But, perhaps, it was just for this once.” All of these are excuses that you make for being lazy and ignoring the signs and information. Then you get hurt and you wonder what the problem is with humanity. There is no problem with humanity.
Humans are animals. When the animals act out they do things such as lie, cheat, kill and in other ways hurt fellow humans. It is the nature of the beast. You expect people to not act as beasts, but not all people can honor the calling and instructions of the soul. Very few can do it all of the time. And, even when these people do act with integrity, they inadvertently hurt others without knowing it.
You are in a human jungle, where everyone is learning how to become more soulful and god loving. Expect “snakes”, “thorny plants”, and other such harmful creatures in your jungle. It’s inevitable. Don’t judge them. They are doing what they must do, and doing it in the best way they can. Don’t expect them to apologize when you find them out they cheated you. A snake is not going to have regrets – not even a human “snake.” So, look out. Be aware. Trust your instincts. Trust yourself. Don’t trust others unless you have good reason to.
If you were truly in the jungle you would be cautious and aware amidst the beauty and glory. You would wear bug repellant or expect to be bitten. You wouldn’t go into places that were unfamiliar and feeling strange. You would watch yourself and pay attention at all times. You wouldn’t be upset with a rock if you tripped over it when you weren’t looking. So don’t get upset with a person who screams at you because you said something to him that you should have known would upset him.
Always research people you involve yourself with. Then follow-up to see that they’re doing the best job they can. Don’t expect them to have your best interests at heart. Always look after your own best interests. Always. Never leave this for someone else to handle, or expect that it will be taken care of. Expect nothing, and honor everything. Do not trust others to do the same.
It’s not appropriate to play the victim, and then go after your attacker like prey. If you knew that the person was questionable, and then trusted him or her with your money, your information and your time, then expect to be burned. If you ask somebody to help you and that person is not on time, don’t expect to get any worthwhile help. If that person makes excuses for being at work, then you can expect that he or she is never going to be reliable.
You can gamble and have hope and faith in them, but don’t complain when they are absent when you need them for an important project. You gambled and lost. It’s not the employee’s fault. If you have someone who is providing you with employees who don’t do their job, find another place to hire. If you have a painter who is late giving you a bid, don’t expect that painter to do a good job for you. Don’t trust others – trust yourself!
Sometimes you will find that somebody who has been trustworthy in the past lets you down. This is possibly due to an illness, or overwork, or other personal issues. In this case you can make an exception. It is highly likely that these people will make it up to you in some way. If they don’t, begin to doubt the level of trust you’ve given them. Perhaps there’s been a change.
If somebody lies, expect him to lie again. If somebody cheats on paying a bill, expect her to cheat again. If a friend gossips, expect this person to gossip about you. Trust what you see and understand in the world. Don’t overlook anything. Overlooking is another word for ignorance.
So, how do you trust? First of all, trust yourself. Know yourself. Are you the type of person who knowingly overlooks things? Be aware that when you do this you’ll get hurt. Do you get too busy to follow through on tasks, such as making sure that an employee has completed the job? Expect that the job won’t get done. The first level of trust is with you. You must learn to act in a trustworthy manner to yourself.
Don’t hang out with people who take advantage of you. Don’t spend time with people who have hurt you or have been unreliable. Don’t expect others to change. If you are not happy around someone, or in some situation, leave. This is the only way you’ll be able to build trust with yourself. When you do this, you’ll find that you are getting hurt less and less. Yes, it takes time to investigate a broker who is handling your money – you should spend that time! Investigate thoroughly as this person is going to be handling your assets. If you can’t take the time to investigate, don’t invest, or expect to possibly get burned.
Once you’ve investigated, trust your instincts. There will be times when all of the facts seem to add up, but you don’t “feel right” about a situation. Honor that feeling, even if you can’t explain it. Even if you are a person who has problems with trusting others, trust yourself and honor your feelings. If the situation is right, you will find another opportunity to act on it. If not, it’s best left undone.
You will find that every time another person has taken advantage of you, it was because you knowingly put yourself into an untrustworthy situation yet went ahead to trust others. Perhaps you got involved with someone who had a history of letting people down. Or maybe you didn’t trust your gut – which said “no”. Perhaps you didn’t take the time to investigate or supervise properly. Or maybe you ignored the signs when something was going wrong.
Let’s look at the issue of self-trust again. Can you trust yourself? You complain about others in the world, but can you trust you? Do you follow up with your commitments to yourself? Do you put yourself to bed when you promised you would? Do you eat they way you said you would, so you’d be healthy? Can you rely on yourself? Do you make promises that you don’t keep? Do you make plans and have dreams, then peter out when you find that there is a bit more work to it than you anticipated?
Make trust in yourself a first priority. Be the kind of person that you can trust to yourself, and then see what you attract in your world. You’ll soon learn the patterns of untrustworthiness and you will avoid those who have them. If you can trust yourself then go ahead and do it!